Let’s get the elephant out of the room.
1. Men can pee standing up.
I’m not the kind to use the P word, but this had to be said. (Cuz who’s not thinking it?) Seriously, undo a zipper and you’re there, guys! Man! (No offense with that exclamation.) I literally made a decision about an outfit I bought for a lady friend last week on how complicated it would be for her to use the toilet in it with a baby in tow. Also, men probably avoid all kinds of viruses. If we ladies are delicate, it’s not so much that we’re made of porcelain as that we have to sit on it.
2. Men don’t need to wear shirts in summer
This was THE BIGGIE for me as a girl. I get hot super easily, so it felt tremendously unfair when one (or all) of my four brothers could go bare-chested and I had to wear t-shirts…with sweat stains under the arms. Ew.
3. Men don’t need to give birth or get up for nighttime feedings
This is another hot one. Ask anyone for three reasons guys have it good and this’ll be on ninety percent of the answers. Face it guys, you may have your share of pain in your life, but it’s usually because you sign up for a beating. Case in point: football and hockey. It’s not because you’re pushing new life into the world and your insides are being stretched like a balloon animal. And after you play your game, you can SLEEP! So don’t expect too much sympathy if you break a leg or something. Guys who don’t WANT to break legs don’t play extreme sports! 😉
4. Guys don’t have to wait in line for the bathroom (and theirs is always closer)
Who knows why, but despite there being a roughly equal male to female population, the ladies’ room has a line equivalent to a Black Friday check out counter at Target whereas the men’s room never has a queue. [So if you’re in there too long, your wife knows you have a little (or not so little?) problem.]
And is it just me, or are men’s rooms almost always more conveniently situated? Almost every time I walk to a ladies’ room it seems like I walk past the men’s room. Be honest, does the architect think I’m fat? :-O Maybe he assumes guys go to the gym and ladies need alternative forms of exercise? You tell me.
5. Men only need to shave their face.
Guys, before you get incensed and start throwing eggs at me yelling, “THAT’S A GOOD THING?!” Settle down. Think this through. Depending on their hygienic preferences, ladies shave, clip, pluck, wax or epilate a guesstimated 45% of their body. Most of it hurts more than shaving your chin and it sure takes a heck of a lot longer. So if your wife asks you to shave, suck it up and avoid, “What, you don’t like my stubble?” or, “It’s too much trouble. Do I have to?” Trust me. It’s better that way. I’m trying to help you here.
6. Guys don’t bleed three months year.
Yes, I realize it’s not all at once, but figure up a week a month and you’re talking lots of blood loss. It’s amazing we even survive. So if we burst into tears for no apparent reason, use up a week of your hard-earned salary on chocolate or rail against the unfairness of being a girl, just roll with it. It’s our coping mechanism. We still love you!
So there are just a few off the bat. I’m sure there are plenty more but it’s past 2:30 AM here (I just couldn’t sleep with thoughts of a new post jingling around after almost a week of blogging silence!) and I want to save some material to hash out in the comments! So please, tell me what you think! Am I being categorically unfair or have I hit the nail on the head? What would you add? Guys, any witty comebacks?
Just two things, please keep comments clean (no bad language or explicit content) and respect one another. (Debating, okay. Arguing, ixnay!)